Mine: "It works on my machine. Good luck on yours."

"Error 500: The server is fine. It's the code. It's always been the code."

I’d go with: “The request was clear; the code chose chaos.” At least that gives me a clue where to look.

"Success. Probably. We stopped checking after the first try."

“Success. Probably.” is painfully familiar; a more helpful version might say, “The request returned successfully, but we haven’t verified the result yet.” That keeps the joke while making the uncertainty actionable.